Truthfully, my crappy day started yesterday. It's progressively gotten worse, and now I feel like I can't relax. I had my second appointment yesterday with Doctor Downing. First I had to be tortured by the ultrasound people to get a "biophysical profile". I have a great husband that refrained from throwing things during the 2 1/2 hours it took for these people to do their jobs. Washington Hospital Center, as a whole, should be demolished with about half of the staff inside. It panics me that I'm depending on these people to keep my child alive.
I'm angry because I can't just be happy and excited about our new baby. I'm not excited at all. I'm nervous and anxious, and thoroughly overwhelmed. I've asked that people not go crazy sending little girl clothes (not that I'm not grateful to those who have), it's just really hard to look at it. We have absolute hopes for the best, but I can't imagine coming home from the hospital without a baby seeing all of this stuff around.
I'm feeling ultra guilty today about Parker not really understanding what's going to happen to his life in less than 2 weeks. He senses something is up, which is why he's riding a demanding attention wave. It just breaks my heart when he asks me, "what's wrong, Mama?"